Anti-racist Parenting: A Starter Kit
“In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist. We must be anti-racist.”
If we have any hope of achieving a world without racism and white supremacy, it will come from raising anti-racist children and that process should start as soon as birth (if not well before). Some people think that children under 5 are too young to discuss race; however, research has shown that "3-month-old babies prefer faces from certain racial groups, 9-month-olds use race to categorize faces, and 3-year-old children in the U.S. associate some racial groups with negative traits. By age 4, children in the U.S. associate whites with wealth and higher status, and race-based discrimination is already widespread when children start elementary school." It is also important to recognize that black, indigenous, and other children of color are never able to avoid race or racism. They may inherit epigenetic racial trauma and can be the victims of racism at any age.
Here are 3 tips to start the ongoing journey of learning and self-examination that is anti-rascism and raising anti-racist children:
1. Anti-racism is uncomfortable work
Parenting is all about leading by example and addressing your own issues so that you can be your best for your children. Parenting around issues of race and racism is no different, especially because you want to avoid passing your own biases to the children. Therefore, be prepared to sit with the discomfort of acknowledging the ways that we are all implicated in, affected by and, in many cases, perpetuate systematic oppression. It is easy to condemn overt racist and white supremacist rhetoric and acts of violence; however, acknowledging the subtler, more insidious ways that racism is built into our society takes continuous vigilance and the willingness to admit your own guilt.
“The beauty of anti-racism is that you don’t have to pretend to be free of racism to be an anti-racist. Anti-racism is the commitment to fight racism wherever you find it, including in yourself. And it’s the only way forward.”
Furthermore, acknowledging racism is just the first step. We then have to actually take action to dismantle racism at the root. For white folks and other people with racial privilege, this means being willing to utilize (and risk losing) that privilege in order to affect change.
2. "I don't see color" is dismissive, dangerous, and a lie
Yes, race is a social construct that doesn't really have any biological or anthropological basis. No, that doesn't mean that we are all the same and race should be ignored. Avoid the urge to embrace colorblindness when thinking about and discussing race. As mentioned above, babies as young as 3 months recognize race, so claiming not to see race as an adult is ridiculous. Furthermore, colorblindness erases the identity and experiences of people of color. "This means that in terms of racial colorblindness, a person is also choosing to not just see race or skin color, but also the racial disparities, inequities, history of violence and current trauma perpetuated within a racist society. When race-related problems arise, colorblindness tends to individualize conflicts and shortcomings, rather than examining the larger picture with cultural differences, stereotypes, and values placed into context. A colorblind approach allows us to deny uncomfortable cultural differences."
“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences. ”
Instead, learn to acknowledge racial and cultural differences and how those differences impact our lives, especially those of people of color. Teach your children to be curious about people who look and live differently from themselves and to listen when those people explain their experiences and their needs. And as always, lead by example.
3. Ending racism is a group project
No one of us can end racism on our own but racism will never end if we don't all participate in the work of anti-racism. The Illinois Civics Hub explains that "each individual, each family, each school, each community must commit to the work required of eliminating racism. This includes:
U: Understanding how our justice system is experienced differently by different groups
E: Eliminating the inequities that impact some groups disproportionately"
Remember what the great Whitney Houston taught us, "children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way!"
