Gentle Parenting Strategies
There is a wide and, perhaps, intimidating gap between understanding what gentle parenting is and actually implementing gentle parenting strategies. You might be worried about being too permissive or not adequately preparing your child for the harsh realities of the world. Those are valid worries but remember that gentle parenting focuses on building this bond and creating a nurturing environment for children to thrive and develop the skills to independently navigate difficult situations. Let's explore some concrete strategies that can help you build a strong and positive relationship with your child.
1. Practice empathy and active listening
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Active listening is the practice of fully concentrating on and understanding what someone is saying. Both of these skills are essential for gentle parenting. When your child expresses their feelings, it's important to validate those feelings and show empathy. You might say something like "I see. You got angry when your brother ripped your drawing. That must be so frustrating since you worked really hard on it." or "Wow. You must be really mad at Eli. I bet it's hard to feel so angry with someone you play with every day."
In addition to helping your child feel heard and understood, which in turn strengthens the bond between you, validating their emotions will:
Help your child learn to identify their emotions and work through them.
Show your child that you're someone they can trust with their feelings.
Find more examples of validating statements here.
2. Use positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging good behavior in children. Instead of punishing your child for negative behavior, focus on rewarding positive behavior. Praise your child when they do something well, and offer positive reinforcement when they make progress towards a goal. This helps your child feel good about themselves and encourages them to continue making positive choices. The Florida Children's Institute reminds us that "positive parenting work shouldn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s most effective when it’s practiced by everyone in the home. Model this work for your child by complimenting other members of your family often too. [...] Focusing on the positive will show your child how to do the same.
Also, celebrate your own accomplishments. When you finish cleaning the kitchen, for example, take a minute to tell yourself that you worked hard and that the place looks great. Demonstrate for your child that you’re feeling good about your accomplishment and you’re taking a second to appreciate it. This will help your child learn to celebrate their successes too."
3. Set clear boundaries and expectations
Children thrive in environments with clear boundaries and expectations. This helps them understand what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they don't meet those expectations. Remember to communicate these boundaries and expectations in a gentle and respectful way. Avoid using threats or punishment, and instead focus on explaining why certain behaviors are not acceptable. This means taking your child's development into account as well and understanding that, "instead of expecting our child to be able to say 'no' to every impulse they have, we will set them up for success. [....] Setting boundaries might mean making things out of their reach or babyproofing so it’s physically impossible for them to do the thing you don’t want them to do, but it can also mean things like always supervising your children when you know one sibling often gets in fights with the other. You recognize that they can’t handle being alone much so you need to keep an eye on them and so you consistently do so."
4. Practice positive discipline
Positive discipline is a gentle and respectful approach to discipline that focuses on teaching, rather than punishing. It emphasizes the importance of understanding a child's behavior and addressing the underlying causes, rather than simply punishing the behavior itself. Positive discipline techniques include things like redirection, problem-solving, and natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences are the consequences that naturally occur as a result of a child's actions. For example, if your child forgets their homework at school, they may receive a lower grade. Allowing for natural consequences teaches children about cause and effect and helps them develop problem-solving skills. Logical consequences are consequences that are set by you as the parent. For example, if your child draws on the wall, you would instruct them to clean up what they drew. However, it's important to avoid harsh or punitive consequences, and instead focus on guiding your child towards positive choices. Keep the 3Rs in mind; consequences should be Related, Respectful, and Reasonable.
Ultimately, remember, parenting is a journey, and it's okay to make mistakes. With patience, understanding, and a commitment to gentle parenting, you can build a strong and loving bond with your child that will last a lifetime.
