What is Gentle Parenting?

Although I'm not a parent, my social media is chock-full of parenting advice I put to use every day as I navigate the world as a neurodivergent adult. Despite all its competing advice on how to raise well-adjusted little humans (or, if you're like me, how to care for your adult self),​ ​the parenting corner of the internet has seemingly found consensus on one framework​:​ gentle parenting. An evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children founded by Sarah Ockwell-Smith in the early 2000s, gentle parenting is composed of four main elements—empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries—and focuses on fostering the qualities you want in your child by being compassionate and enforcing consistent boundaries.

The benefits of gentle parenting are numerous. Researchers have found that gentle encouragement may reduce the risk for anxiety and that teaching rather than punishing helps children better understand how they should behave while not exposing them to less favorable ways of speaking and acting. Children also learn empathy through the focus on how their actions directly impact how others feel. As their understanding grows, children begin to weigh whether their behavior is going to have a good outcome or not.

Allison Andrews, PsyD, practice owner and primary clinician at Child Development Partners in Boston, MA explains that "when we show gentleness, especially during stressful times, we model frustration tolerance, and we model flexibility. Staying calm and being gentle and firm sets the tone for positive growth and development." In essence, the goal of gentle parenting is to be your child's coach rather than solely a disciplinarian.

Gentle parenting sounds simple but it requires a lot from the parent. It can be time-consuming because it requires:

• Your child to be self-aware enough to process their emotions and behavior. (This is a skill the parent has to teach and model for the child)

• You to be patient enough to dedicate time toward understanding your child and getting to know your child better

Additionally, gentle parenting often involves unlearning certain behaviors and setting healthy boundaries. Parents have to recognize their child​ren​'s behavioral triggers as well as their own​​ and learn to regulate their own emotional responses as they teach their children to do the same. This can be incredibly difficult work.