Good Fences
Have you ever heard the phrase "good fences make good neighbors?" This oft repeated line from the poem ‘Mending Wall’ by Robert Frost means that "having a clear boundary between your house and your neighbour’s, and respecting that boundary, helps to keep the peace between neighbours, and thus good relations between neighbours are partly dependent on fences as a marker of said boundaries."
The same is true for all of our interpersonal relationships. Healthy boundaries protect our mental, emotional, and physical space allowing us to interact with others while feeling safe, valued, and respected. Boundaries are internal limits we set regarding what we will and won't do, as well as how we expect to be treated —how we are willing to engage with others.
You can set boundaries around:
Emotional energy
Time
Personal space
Sexuality
Morals and ethics
Material possessions and finances
Social media
Boundaries can be set with:
Family
Friends
Romantic relationships
Coworkers
Strangers
Read more
Since we can only control our own behavior, it's important to not only determine what your boundaries are, but also to decide what actions you will take to protect your boundaries. It's important to communicate both things clearly. For instance, if you need time alone, you might tell friends and family that you aren't available to socialize at a given time and that your phone will be off during that time. Then you'd turn off your phone. The boundary isn't about getting people not to call you (although hopefully they won't), instead it's about turning off or not answering your phone even if they do.
