Interrogating Fear
Fear is our internal measure of risk and, in helpful doses, keeps us away from harmful situations. However, sometimes that meter breaks, and our level of fear becomes out of proportion to the level of danger causing us to be either too fearful or not fearful enough. Being too fearful might cause us to limit ourselves and avoid even the most mundane situation. A lack of fear would instead lead to excessive risk-taking. So how do we figure out if our fear meter is functioning properly?
Well, answering that is complicated because risk (especially emotional risk) is highly individual. A dangerous situation for me might be a perfectly safe situation for you. On top of that, the mental and physical processes that happen inside each of us as a result of fear are real regardless of how objectively at-risk we may be. Let's reframe the question; how do we figure out if our fear is helping or hindering us?
The answer to that is to interrogate the fear, question it and see what comes to light. You can do this alone but it can be helpful to seek input from trusted friends/family, a therapist, or even google depending on the situation.
Start with these questions:
1. Is this situation likely to cause me physical pain or injury? How likely is that and what is my evidence?
2. Is this situation likely to cause me emotional pain? How likely is that and what is my evidence?
3. Is this situation reminding me of a past trauma?
4. What is the worst that could happen? How likely is that? Could I cope with that outcome?
5. What, if anything, would I gain by facing this situation despite that fear? Is that worth it?
6. What, if anything, would I lose by avoiding this situation? Is that worth it?
7. Is there anything I could do to make this situation feel safer?
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions but answering them helps to contextualize the fear and gives us distance from the visceral feelings of fear. The answers won't necessarily lessen the fear but they will give us the information we need in order to decide if the situation is something we want to face anyway. Some things are worth doing scared.
