Say My Name
Whether given to us at birth or chosen for ourselves later in life, names are our most basic identity markers. Sometimes they tell the stories of our families or our heritage; in times past, a person's name could even tell you about their livelihood or where they came from. No matter how we get them and regardless of their specific meaning, names are such precious things.
So what happens when your name is taken away from you through repeated mispronunciation, misspelling and/or blatant disregard? The obvious answer is it hurts but, like all microagressions, it is the kind of "minor" slight that makes you second guess yourself.
Did they mean to do that?
It was just a mistake.
Am I overreacting?
If your name is regularly mispronounced/misspelled, you have my (totally unnecessary) permission to get mad about it.
It sucks and you aren't overreacting.
I promise.
This is something I experience almost daily, even though I have a fairly generic phonetically spelled name. My name is Barbra, spelled the same as Barbra Streisand rather than the more common B-A-R-B-A-R-A, to which everyone and everything from autocorrect to the U.S. government tries to change my name. Some people even pronounce the missing A. I put a note in my email signature about the correct spelling and I spell my name out in all my verbal communication with doctors, etc., and yet I still receive emails and official documents addressed to Barbara. It is constant and it is done without malice BUT it leaves me feeling erased and frustrated.
My name is Barbra not BARBARA; it has two syllables not three.
Misspelling or mispronouncing my name means that the most basic part of my identity is being ignored, which is painful.
For folks with less common names than mine, names that come from languages other than English and/or from non-western/non-european cultures (i.e. names that don't look or sound white), the name woes go even deeper. For those folks, misnaming not only erases their personal identity but also adds racism and xenophobia to the mix. Experiencing this over and over can lead to feelings of not belonging and being disrespected as well as causing anxiety about introducing yourself to new people.
So what can we do about it? I'm not sure but here's what I'm going to do (and I invite you to join me):
1. Correct misspelling and mispronunciation every time
2. Make the effort to pronounce and spell other people's names correctly
3. Call out name-based microagressions when they happen to others
To All the Little Black Girls With Big Names (Dedicated to Quvenzhane' Wallis) - a poem by Sha'Condria "iCon" Sibley of the 2012 National Poetry Slam Championship team, Team SNO (Slam New Orleans)
