You're More Likeable Than You Think

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions with others feel extremely daunting and overwhelming. The constant worry that others are judging you harshly or that you might do something embarrassing can lead you to avoid social situations and, ultimately, self-isolate. However, with the right mindset and tools, it is possible to overcome social anxiety and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with others.

One helpful concept to keep in mind when dealing with social anxiety is the liking gap. This idea, popularized by Vanessa Van Edwards, suggests that people often underestimate how much others like them. According to Van Edwards, "We assume others don't like us as much as they actually do because we can't see our own likeability."

A 2018 study in the Journal of Psychological Science suggests that the liking gap happens because we can't just ask how much people like us. Instead, we have to "venture our own guesses, running back conversations and re-evaluating everything we said, wondering how they sounded to a person whose values and personality quirks we don’t yet know. And those guesses are often biased by an internal monologue that’s 'remarkably self-critical and negative, especially with the added uncertainty of talking to someone new.'"

While you may be feeling self-conscious and anxious in social situations, the people around you may actually be enjoying your company and appreciating your presence. By recognizing this gap and shifting your focus away from negative self-talk, you can begin to feel more confident and comfortable in social situations.

So how can you put this concept into practice? Here are a few tips:

1. Practice mindfulness

When you're in a social situation, it's easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and worries. Instead, try to stay present and focus on the people around you. Pay attention to their body language and the things they're saying, and try to engage with them in a meaningful way.

2. Challenge negative thoughts

When you start to feel anxious or self-conscious, take a step back and ask yourself if your thoughts are really true. Are you really boring or unlikable, or are you just caught up in your own insecurities? By challenging these negative thoughts, you can start to shift your perspective and see yourself in a more positive light.

3. Be yourself

One of the best ways to build strong relationships with others is to be authentic and true to yourself. Don't try to pretend to be someone you're not in order to impress others. Instead, focus on your own interests and passions, and let your true self shine through.

By practicing these tips and keeping the liking gap in mind, you can start to overcome social anxiety and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with others. Remember, you are more likable than you think!

In the words of Nelson Mandela, "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. " So don't be afraid to make mistakes or face challenges along the way. With patience, perseverance, and a positive mindset, you can overcome social anxiety and achieve your goals.